NAKED

    We were born in this world naked not knowing a single thing but as we grew up, we learned, experienced, see and feel each things that we came up with. Some of us find what they searched for and attained it without having problems and broken hearts. Some of us need to struggle a bit in order to gain exultant. But some, no matter how hard they try to gain what they want life seems to give them the hardest test that they can overcome or so they thought. They said everything happened for reasons that we can never know. Suicide became a person's choice when he or she can't hold it anymore longer. To have this jejune thoughts and thoughts and thoughts, it just never going to stop maybe for now because that's what i hoped. For some reason I like the way I am now because I feel comfortable with it but to opine with the thoughts of changing into a better person makes everything goes wrong. Whenever I did something right it feels just so wrong but when I did something wrong I feel that it is right but most of the time it is wrong. To be genuine, I am lost even though I see light but I see more darkness. I questioned things that I shouldn't question.I seek for help but never really leaves the old me. To feel vulnerable because your lack of knowledge bout your religion really brings you down and to know the fact that you KNEW what you are and want makes it more harder than you think because no matter how hard you try to hold on to it, eventually you need to come to reality that it will never going to happen. Sometimes i feel like I am naked from the eyes of the people. Just when i thought I already embraced myself and hide my sorrows away, the inside me realized I am becoming weaker as I am getting closer with someone because I give the bad side in me the tendency to show their true colors. I wanted to change but... I dunno myself anymore. I wanted to change but I feel like I am killing some part of me that has been there for so long like a massacre. I feel happy and great most of the times bu in that particular time I feel dull, disconsolate, dolor like a dead man. I cried when I see a character in the movies that portrayed me a lot that find their happiness as who they are in the end. To pretend like you are having a good life is something that a person can do if only they know how hard a life can be. To have those insecurities inside your heart and to keep on bear with it and fight for your place in the place of someone and people you love to the extend you sacrifice so many thing but in the end loses everything. Yasmine Mogahed once said " Give everything even when you get nothing back" . Still He gives you the opportunitty to redeem yourself and to try to atleast repent. He still gives to the ability to see your loved ones beautiful things. This such thing makes me exhausted.