" I love you, God I miss you, remember me as I am when I am with you guys, not because of my past.Protect me from vilification. Protect me... I am needy. In need of attentions. I may not be the right person to exist in your life. Will never be. I will always support you, I'll be your shadow, parts of it. Forever. I am sorry if I only exist to tell bad news, I can't do a thing when that is what God made me for. I am sorry. Bare with me, because you might not be seeing me on the Judgement day where you will be placed with the saints and I am the cast out. Not to say that I gave up but to say that I will never be on the same level with you guys. Never will... He knows it and I know He hears me. "
" Perselitkanlah nama aku didalam doa-doa engkau kepadaNya ataupun ingatilah aku seperti mana aku menyebut nama-nama kamu semua didalam doa aku yang tidak seberapa meskipun sembahyangku tidak lah sesempurna sembahyangmu. Meskipun aku tidaklah sebaik kamu. meskipun aku hanyalah seorang kawan yang hanya membawa kebahagiaan didunia. Meskipun aku sesorang yang wujud hanya untuk memberitahu berita sedih dan buruk. Doa ku hanya untuk Dia, keluargaku, sahabatku kerana aku tidak mempunyai apa-apa selain engkau semua. Diberi penghargaan bukanlah sesuatu yang aku idami, tetapi untuk memberitahu aku ada disisi kamu semua walaupun aku tahu tempatku di akhirat kelak bukanlah bersama-sama dengan kamu semua di Jannah. Dibumi aku akan jadi kawanmu, pelindungmu, bayangmu di terik panas tetapi didalam kegelapan aku akan selubungimu kerana itulah aku bayangan yang wujud untuk melindungi dan tidak mengharapkan balasan dan tanpa diketahui kewujudanku. "
Assalamualaikum Haziq, I guess it's a surprise for you to hear from me, it has been so long.
ReplyDeleteI could comment on any of these posts, but I choose this one, for a lot of reasons.
I'm sorry Haziq, if I were to hurt you, physically or emotionally, with judgements and anything, verbally or in actions. I'm not a saint, or anyone. Nobody's a saint, Haziq, as long as we judge and hurt each other we just can't be one.
I'm in UIA now and by the name of it, you just can't imagine how many saint wannabes here and how I was reminded about you, as me, everyday, wanting to fit in, indirectly, I've become just like you. Part of being a Muslim, is ukhuwah, and when I'm in UIA, the word ukhuwah is always there for us to ponder. The fact that we can't move, we can't live without ukhuwah. And the days I'm with you, Arif and Anis are the best days, perhaps, because of our ukhuwah at that time, which we were enjoying the fruits of it.
By now, I was hoping I could be in a group of friend as same as or even better like I was with you, Arif and Anis, and eventhough I'm in UIA, the place of saints to congregate and be saints, well, I couldn't find one. Because I've learnt, to be in a group of sinners are better than to be in a group of saints, which, most of them haven't been bad or sinful before, but judging is the only thing they could do. Sinners can't be sinners forever, right?
This is not about me, but, if I were to die soon, just want you to know, I'm sorry, I can't be a good friend to you, I've failed to advised you, to listen more to you, to appreciate you, to talk to you and to understand you. People thrive by looking back at their memories and their past but I can't. Knowing that I've failed to appreciate everything. Now I know, our time, was the best time.
What a life, huh? In UIA, I'm a sinner among the saints.
And, before it ends, I want you to know that, you're always in my prayers. All of us. Arif, Anis, Danial. All of us. Who is better, for me to take care of us, other than me asking Allah himself to take care of us? I hope by now, Allah has made my prayers a reality, and you're the only one who could feel it.I hope you live in tranquility, and in piece. I pray for that, though, I might forget to do so now and then, Allah wills it I'll istiqamah in doing it. Let's pray for each other.
I'm sorry I have not keep in touch with you, Arif or Anis. Three of you, are much more successful than I'm, and I'm the small one who's trying to chase the impossible.
Aku hidup sekali je Haziq, tak lama lagi aku mati. Jadi, bila kau dapat berita aku mati, just pray for me.
Don't cry Haziq. You've done so many crying already. Your soul is too tired, just like mine.
Bye, and yeah, I still remember your laughs and your excitement that morning when you talked about Robert Pattinson in Remember Me? Yea. And that quote? I've always have it in my IPhone.
I don't know how are you gonna react to all of this. You seems so happy, I don't want to make it hard for you with this writing.
Bye, Assalamualaikum.