I GIVE UP

 In life we are just the servants to God. He knows better, that is what they said. I feel used. I feel like I am the back up plan. I thought I have found my bestfriend. In my mind, that is what you are. In your mind, I am not. I know that I don't own you. and perhaps never will. I have no right to feel. I know you don't owe me. I know I shouldn't ask for more. You have said all the things that i need to hear before I knew I need to hear them. I am a word you have heard but has never seen. I turn away and close my heart to the promise of love that is luring. Do you know when you've lost something like anything. While looking for it, you come across something else you once missed but have long since forgotten? There was a point where you decided to stop searching, maybe because it was no longer required or a new replacement was found. It is almost as if it never existed in the first place until the moment of rediscovery, a flash of recognition. I am in this kind of situation. For you. Everyone has an inventory of lost things waiting o be found. Yearning to be acknowledged for the worth they once held in your life. When no one was there for you. When the people you thought you can put trust on showed their true faces. I think this is where belong, among all your other lost things. A crumpled note at the bottom of the drawer or an old photograph pressed between the pages of a book. I hope someday you will find me and remember what I once meant for you. But hope is just hopes.There is a particular kind of suffering to be experienced when you love something greater than yourself. A tender sacrifices. Like the pained silence felt in the lost song of a mermaid or the bent and broken feet of a dancing ballerina. It is in every considered step I am taking in the opposite direction of you.