STARED

I breathe the air that I think is good. As I breathe a slight of pain comes from my body. No, it is my lung. It happens often when I think of my life, my distress and breathe the air in at the same time. It feels like a huge bang of drums. A non-stop rhythms. Recently, I keep on imagining the past and present of my life breathing in and out nonetheless in the midst of vanity that keep on reminding me of who I want to become and what will be my path. It surrounds me nakedly pulling out guns and dares me to join for a Russian roulette. Only that I know that it was just a dream that I dreamed and what could have been dreamed off. It begins to haunt me and bash me for my sins and wrongful acts but never asked me to repent because I am a hopeless human to ought to be cast in the hell anyway but to bare with this such thoughts only keep me thinking of what are the possibilities that I might came up with in order to redeem myself infront of him in the future. Or is there even a future for me a hopeless soul to seek for the truth but despise the Creator himself. Oh my, what should a selfish man like me do to help myself find the right time and to roam the great despair of my uncertainty ceaselessly with the half emptied bottle of faiths and hopes. Where should I begin or should I just stop and let my day passes.