TESTS

The phases that you undergo, comes with tests harder than it was in the beginning. I keep up with the sorrows of the moon to let myself feel the solidarity. The rotten heart of a young soul meets the perks of being a nyctophilia. Why am I having these feelings of incoherent decisions. I see myself drowning in the sea of untold feelings of a sadist. I became a callous person who hides all his emotions and sensitivity towards human. What’s there left for a mere saint like me to hold, own or love? When you had experienced lots of things, good or bad, you will become a man of your own definition. This means you’d know what is the imperfections. I may need time to heal, these pains, I may need to opine with the needs of my thoughts. I can slay my name in the hopes of getting called as the one and only prophet of my own heart. In the flood of tears, all untold feelings started to gather around me, pulling me into the flood, whispering to me and butchered me. I see you, I longed for you. I want you buried in my hug. Sleeping on my arm, breathing on my skins. Smells like me. I tricked in front of the door of the misfits and I heard people hissing like vipers welcoming me to become a poisonous wreck. In my dreams, I woke up in the morning unable  to move freely as there is another body besides me, sleeping peacefully cuddled up onto my chest, breathing coherently, beautifully, passionately and lustfully. I love you my dear, but God forbids me to keep on continue loving you even I never had the chance to get to know you.  I see you in my dreams as mine. I see you in the reality as a stranger with memories that had never happened. Why is it stranger can feel and be like someone to you, but someone you knew can be and feel like a stranger? I shall moan in despair and tell myself morbid memories. I know in reality, we would pass by each other not a greeting, talking, smiling,knowing, with one another. I gave up upon my own destiny. So did you. I gave the look of hateful as I pass by you because my mind and dreams has been filled with your presence and it hurts a lot when I am not able to do it with you just like what I did in my dreams.