The offers I made upon You might seem a bit soulless yet I hope You will take it into considerations. I see negativity everywhere and I can’t think straight. The fear that I am holding on may let me feel as if I am not capable of loving someone. I am afraid of thinking about commitments when my commitments for Him weren’t that perfect. I compare myself with people whom I see myself in. I don’t feel the same anymore. I have to admit I only act all this time. I acted in front of the people to conceal my sadness and my worries and unpleasant feelings that I feel like killing me bit by bits. What should you do when you weren’t suited to the surroundings?
To opine with this need the most rational mind ever. I have finally found a song that tells everything that I feel this whole time yet I know I mustn’t get into it that much because I might lose myself. I see the unhappy side of me all the times. I see the bad side of me trying so hard to fit in among the saints. I am tired of trying and acting. I want to be myself, but the community, religion, people, close ones demands me to change the way I live my life because they feel like I am going towards the wrong path. I can’t help it. When I said I will live just fine my mind projects images of my loved ones. I am teary by just thinking of them. The unpleasant feelings that engulf me from time to time and starts to clog my heart and the last of my hopes and then shut me down. I feel used. I am surrounded by the things I don’t want to be part of.
Its like you are holding yours just to make them satisfy with you. You are never yourself when you want to because you know they wouldn’t approve you and will try their very best to change you when clearly you don’t need it. You know that you don’t have and choice but to let them because that’s just it. They always have this perspective that they need and must help you because that’s what their religion taught them which was to help others. When you know deep down you don’t give a fuck about it because in your preferences you, one can live peacefully and happily without the presence of religions. Yet again, He has decided that we should follow His will, with that it is irrelevant and a waste of time for me to argue or question because what is more sinful than a person who was born and bred as with his preferences of religions turned out to be a douche who are too selfish and egoistic towards his own Creator.
To opine with this need the most rational mind ever. I have finally found a song that tells everything that I feel this whole time yet I know I mustn’t get into it that much because I might lose myself. I see the unhappy side of me all the times. I see the bad side of me trying so hard to fit in among the saints. I am tired of trying and acting. I want to be myself, but the community, religion, people, close ones demands me to change the way I live my life because they feel like I am going towards the wrong path. I can’t help it. When I said I will live just fine my mind projects images of my loved ones. I am teary by just thinking of them. The unpleasant feelings that engulf me from time to time and starts to clog my heart and the last of my hopes and then shut me down. I feel used. I am surrounded by the things I don’t want to be part of.
Its like you are holding yours just to make them satisfy with you. You are never yourself when you want to because you know they wouldn’t approve you and will try their very best to change you when clearly you don’t need it. You know that you don’t have and choice but to let them because that’s just it. They always have this perspective that they need and must help you because that’s what their religion taught them which was to help others. When you know deep down you don’t give a fuck about it because in your preferences you, one can live peacefully and happily without the presence of religions. Yet again, He has decided that we should follow His will, with that it is irrelevant and a waste of time for me to argue or question because what is more sinful than a person who was born and bred as with his preferences of religions turned out to be a douche who are too selfish and egoistic towards his own Creator.
Remember, you might live without you seeing the consequences of your rebels but, He will always have his own ways to show you His power. That is what you often hear whenever you go to religious talks. I do not know what am I capable of because the more I think of it, I am becoming less humane than I already am. I see things, but I wish to not live with it . The sobbing heart that I am carrying wherever I go makes me feel insane and happy without reasons. I acted professionally when I know someone is trying so hard to see me smiling. I have fake things. I have to make me feel accepted when I don’t want to connect or let people into my life. I am dragging myself towards the edge of the cliff and wait for the right time to jump. I am seeking things that I am sure will consume and kill me right away. I hate things as soon as I get them.
I whined, but as soon as I get what I want the most I push it right away and murdered it. I closed and concealed and locked and sealed my heart or door or window or for fuck sake anything that constitutes the same definitions as in an opening from the feelings that will give me fake feelings, people who tell me they care for me because that’s the deadliest weapon for a person to commit suicide. The sea that fades in the amidst of the ceaseless waves engraved by a person who used to see beautiful things, but the world had killed, took away, raped, abused, harassed, cheated, butchered, slaughtered, slashed, clawed, stabbed, pissed and any improper acts made him see the beauty of the cruelty itself that enshrine as his new paths to let himself into the place where the absolute sins and blessings has no preferences and mean nothing but only theories.
I whined, but as soon as I get what I want the most I push it right away and murdered it. I closed and concealed and locked and sealed my heart or door or window or for fuck sake anything that constitutes the same definitions as in an opening from the feelings that will give me fake feelings, people who tell me they care for me because that’s the deadliest weapon for a person to commit suicide. The sea that fades in the amidst of the ceaseless waves engraved by a person who used to see beautiful things, but the world had killed, took away, raped, abused, harassed, cheated, butchered, slaughtered, slashed, clawed, stabbed, pissed and any improper acts made him see the beauty of the cruelty itself that enshrine as his new paths to let himself into the place where the absolute sins and blessings has no preferences and mean nothing but only theories.
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