JICK

“ They said if you live long enough, you will experience a lot of things that make you mature, strong, capable of taking care of yourself and know what loop of connection you should be in.  Some say age doesn’t matter. When your life is just like how you expect it to be like, you’d be happy and relieved. I know that no matter how much you devote yourself on some things you’d either lead yourself into the negative or positive sides. The perks of of knowing how was it like to physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually in love with the surroundings whether the seen or unseen. You take different forms when you confront with different types of people. You learn how to adapt at the same time improve yourself in the ways you think need to be improvised. Still, there are limits. You need to be selfish in order to let them know you aren’t a wimp. You need to let them know you will never play with their rules. You make your own. You tell them you wouldn’t negotiate just because they think they are your friends. You choose yours. You have done things they haven’t done, but never tell them a thing yet  they talk, brag as if they had experienced it which make them look like fools. You kept the other side of you just so that you can build up the new character. The more preferable one. Yet, you know the making of it isn’t that easy since you know what will happen.  The things you have done to make you realize it is not worth your energy to argue with the braggers who talk shit but never have the guts to do it. You spend too much time with them that you tend to lose some of your capabilities, so you decided to leave and isolate them because you know it doesn’t matter if you decided to stay or leave it won’t make any differences. You know better, but not everything. Often, you tell yourself that it is okay to let go because the things you are holding on aren’t that solid. The fragility of life seems to let you see things differently, yet you ignored it. You stressed yourself out since you can’t exactly show them your true sides since the world nowadays has improved on the way religion comes before your acts. Your empathy seems to grow stronger, but you kill it with your intuition of being a jerk and let them know you weren’t so good and saint after all. You spread the identity of a messed up, I don’t give a fuck person so they would know you in the way you'd expect them to. The ideas of being bitchy and mean sometimes hit you like a truck because the certainty of becoming one is reachable and you know you have it in you. “ says a friend who died.