CLINGY

I am tapping on my shoulder and ask me a question about what I have become? Since when I am so needy? For over these past years I have experienced more downs than ups. I am not talking about wars, but simply the tough tests that I’ve gone through. There will be a phase in your life where you will feel you are on your own lurking back and forth in the forest of despair and loneliness. No matter how big is your loop of friends, you will feel lonely sometimes and that’s okay. I don’t know why is it with me that I need someone to make me feel as if I am matter to the world or part of something nowadays. When you are at your weakest moments in life, that is when you start to appreciate things around you. to me, God doesn’t create negative things, He will never give reasons for humans to kill or hurt each others, He will never let people think that everything has been written and all we need to do is to follow. God will never create despair.  I have stopped to believe the minute I saw what You have done or could have done to stop or end this hiatus situation. Like I said before, when it comes to love, when you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with the person and everything else do not count. I have become needy every time I was left alone. I forgot the joy of spending time alone. I forgot the joy of not having to depend on others. This happens because the minute I start to give a shit about people that’s when I have lost my true self.  I enjoy spending time with people, but  I am easily fall for the habit of being a clingy person whom I have vowed to never become. Tell me who doesn’t want to be loved or love that special person beside your family and friends? Everybody aches for one. Mine is a long way to go. I have weary eyes. My eyes cannot stop watering. My heart cries too often that oxygen cannot come in or out. I am turning 21 years old this year. I am always sad and over-think things that weren’t there in the first place. I often think about how He works and thinks. A friend once asked me if I could turn back in time, where and at what time would I choose, I answered “ if only it’s possible without any means or conditions, I want to go back where God had actually agreed to Satan's demands I will become their mediator since even the Creator cannot stop these childish bickers.”, my answer to his question. Why promote peace when you allow and create hatreds, agony, negative feelings? Why would you promote your religion and said it’s the right one because it is fair and peaceful when you allow wars and trouble your own creations? Why must there be bad things when you can do or undo things in a blink of an eye? Is God a realist? Even when friends showed me videos of saints tackling this kind of questions, I laughed because of their answers. They asked me to ask God myself when the right time comes. If I waited until the doomsday, wouldn’t it be unfair? You are what you think.