All the blurry lines seem to be showing the clear cut of reality and lies. All the burden that seem to follow and force you down finally ease your shoulder off from all the bleed of guilts. The calmness you seem to breath finally stop as life takes out from the soulless mind. The anxiety that takes form as a being finally transform into the light of destruction. The poetic form of revelations finally reveal the unclean truth of religions. The arrogance of God is finally revealed when He dismissed His own creation. This is the end. This is it. It is finally happening and there is no way of going back. This is the best route a sinner can walk on. A route where the end is the death itself. As Death awaits for the sinner to join Him and have the final dance in the darkness of a soul. The creation of sins is to destroy a being. A being full with thought and emotion. A being of destruction and despair. A being of not wanting to live anymore. 

Sometimes the hardest part in life is to move on without knowing how to do it and what to expect once you have decided what to become or even where should you start or even end. The hardest part will only be easier if you have guidance to assist you and tell you what you should do or avoid to achieve your goals. The process that allows you to take part in experiencing new things might be temporary considering your disability to comprehend the howls which weakened your wits to go forward. You spend your entire 22 years of living wandering upon something that might be vague or impossible to be achieved and might not even make sense since you cannot undue your genes to change your oneself. You spend your life figuring out who you are if you are not what people think of you so you try your very best to relate yourself with things you find cool, aesthetic enough, rare, not easily being copied to be part of your life and then tried your best to be like one through practice which from time to time become your habits and routine. The constant reminder that you are anomic to your religion and culture has embraced the rebellion side of yourself which has been caged for the past years when you don’t have the strength to set yourself free from the chains of doubts and the burden your religion has put you through. The life as of now will be blurry and the path might be bumpy and thorny but what you do might have a fatal effect to the others around you. Hannah Baker taught us that in life you cannot be overly sensitive and that everyone deals with problems differently and even the tinniest comment could do death to some of us. The capability to interpret the slightest sarcasm that comes out from your enemy’s mouth might be the reason why people tend to be dependent to the ambiguity of logic. Life of a person who is now in the midst of death and lost in finding the truth about nothingness. You tried your best to capture every moment of happiness that you seem to fear will affect or go away once you know things will never be the same.

OLD

I woke up in the morning knowing that you won’t be by my side anymore and knowing that the routines that often include you will never repeat and the thoughts of moving on without you supporting me from my back really kills the inside of me that is gasping for freedom and protection. The constant reminder that I have to deal with whenever I’m doing things break every pieces that I have been trying to sew back. The constant need of being dependent upon someone slowly vanish into the midst that often cloud my views of seeing myself being independent. People who see me but never talk to me feels intimidated by my presence and knowing that I appear to be that way I took advantage of it. The things that I often hide and conceal from the reality really bugs me most of the time when I’m alone because that’s the only time I can finally take off my mask that I have been wearing just to satisfy and protect me from the howls of the narrow minded people. As open minded I think I am, deep down I am still in doubt of opening up to the world. The constant denial that I often channel towards myself has become the skin that I wear and often feel dead. 

WAIT

There are times when you feel like writing down your thoughts and just let everything flow into sentences forming collections of emotions that you have carried with you for so long and by writing down you can at least ease yourself up because you have reached your limits. Sometimes bottling what’s inside you is okay if you know how to handle them but most of the times you forgot who you are in the process of containing and retaining the pressure that your own thoughts did to you. The pain that reside inside you that often scars your own emotions when you can no longer find the meaning of happiness because the pain you feel is the only thing you can relate to. The pieces that you picked because you know even when things are broken they are still part of you, you are part of something even though it is something you can cherish. It has been so long you put others first because you know a bridge could never stand and be built if there are no pillars, you know you need protections and supports from them because you know you are nothing but little did you know everything isn’t free, it has to be earned.It is not easy to live your life knowing your own self is in need of things that is not easy to be obtained. It is not easy to lead a life pretending to b normal when deep inside you knows exactly who you are. The constant reminder that has been your normal alarms that often remind you to contain yourself and never reveal the truth because truth sucks and you won’t be accepted fully. When you have been alone for quite sometime, you see, you will tend to narrate something that you wish could happened and imagining the one you have given your heart to to love you like you have always wanted and desperately asked and wished for. That one point in your life you started to realise you cannot get what you wished for so long if you stay in the same circle.